Insomniac Diary

A prelude to my Insomniac Diary…

Five AM tends to come all too quickly for me. That’s usually when I go to bed each night for my four or five hour siesta. I usually get up around noon. Yes I said noon, and I said I only get about four or five hours of sleep. ‘But that doesn’t add up!’, you think to yourself as you read this odd little blog.

The answer is very simple.

I toss and turn relentlessly. I wake up every thirty minutes or so, reposition myself, look at the clock, kiss my husband on his shoulder and close my eyes. Sometimes I fall into sleep immediately, and sometimes I focus on the odd shapes and swirls that I see in that barely transparent world behind my eyelids. I force myself to think of nothing as I watch those random patterns shift, fade, brighten, darken, zigzag, spin and settle like dust on the tail of the wind.

I drift back into sleep. A dark, empty sleep. Sometimes I dream, sometimes not. The dreams are vivid and so realistic that I wake up feeling like I do in the dreams.

I’ll save describing some of those dreams for later though. For now is just to tell you that my nights are long, my sleep is awkward and unsettling, and my days vary from lively to drab, busy to dull, and nothing I do will help me sleep at night. More often these days I do not close my eyes until the dawning rays are sparkling through the tree tops.

And so tonight, I’ll begin the official first page in the Insomniac Diary, for this my friends is only an introduction. A formality to give you that feeling of anticipation in your gut. That suspenseful wonderment of what’s going to come next in the here, the now, the… life of an insomniac.

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Be forewarned… Beware while reading this post.

I am drunk.

It’s 2:45am. I have no idea how it is possible that I am currently seeing straight and, for the most part, thinking straight, but I am.  I’ve been drinking 1 shot of whiskey to 2 shots of Coca Cola for the last four, almost five hours. I almost fell down earlier when I got out of my comfortable computer chair to go to the bathroom, but managed to catch myself. While I’m still drinking consistently and mixing my drink a little stronger with each glass, I’m still fairly sober, and my mind is wandering into my college days.

I’ve varied from being a bubbly, goofy, hilarious drunk, to being sarcastic and somewhat comedic, to being serious and thoughtful and reminiscent. I actually think myself lucky… I know so many people who, when drunk are forgetful and uncoordinated and have horrible hangovers… in fact that describes pretty much all the people I know when they are drunk.

I myself however, even after a dozen or so shots of imported Canadian whiskey mixed with Coca Cola, am still functional enough to type coherently and have an intelligent conversation with friends on Skype. Standing up however… well… lets just say that’s another matter altogether.

Now before I continue, I must give a shout out to my dear friend from a MMORPG called Perfect World. Hi Siah. Thank you for your comment. It was inspirational, and it warmed my heart to know that my blog is being enjoyed. I checked my email tonight during my drunken stupor and saw that there was a comment on my blog. So I logged in to my account and to see just whom the comment was from, and it warmed my heart to see a familiar name along with an endearing comment.

To be completely honest though… I have no idea what I had intended to write when I first started writing this particular blog post… I know there was something… some moral, or goal, or some sort of substantial literary masterpiece. However at this moment, my mind is in a swirl of dizziness, I feel the warmth of the alcohol coursing through my veins, and I manage to keep typing, knowing that I should be carefully maneuvering my way to my sleeping quarters. Oh wait, we don’t use that kind of English anymore, nowadays we say ‘bedroom’. Alas…

So I shall go… leaving this immense story untold, in hopes that I will remember tomorrow…

Good night Siah. Goodnight world. I hope the moon smiles upon you tonight and grants you all the sweetest of dreams. I shall now stumble my way to my bed, snuggle against the warmth of my husband… and for the first time in months, I shall close my eyes and fall into sleep before 5:00 Am.

Hallelujah.

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